I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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