I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize