I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We talked him into tasing himself.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
