I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
