The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
