Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
