my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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