Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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