Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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