the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
