does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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