Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
