Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
