I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
