i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
