my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
