I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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