Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
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