discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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