I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize