omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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