Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
