hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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