saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
