I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
