what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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