god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
