I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
