hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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