I'd wear matching sweaters with you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
