She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
