She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
