stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
