this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
