you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
