A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
