I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize