I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
