i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
