My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
