Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my shit smells like andre
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
