He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
