dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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