A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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