C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
