Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You ruined the universe
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
