drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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