I think I died a long time ago.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
