you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
4 words: hood of his car
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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