We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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