all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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