I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
