so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
