Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
