South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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