Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
