i may or may not be watching the land before time
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
