Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
