It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
