just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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