Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
