"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
