It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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