P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
