My sheets look like a crime scene.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
