one might say we're banned from that church
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize