Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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