I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
