Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
