Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
