I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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