I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
