You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
