when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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